Quick answer: People with lived experience of suicidal thoughts can offer hope, understanding and practical coping ideas that others cannot. Research reviews describe peer support as promising for hope and recovery, though more studies are needed. Peer support works best alongside professional care, not instead of it. If you want to help someone, listen without judgement, ask directly about suicide, stay with them in a crisis and connect them to 0800 678 678 or 112.

The parable of the man in the hole

A man fell into a deep hole and shouted for help. A doctor passed, threw down a note saying "Find me when you get out and I'll treat your wounds," and walked on. A lawyer passed and threw down a note offering to sue whoever dug the hole, once the man climbed out.

Then a third person looked down and jumped in.

"Are you crazy?" the man said. "You were my only ticket out."

The reply: "I have been in this hole before, and I know the way out."

What the story teaches about helping

The first two helpers expected the man to rescue himself before they would help. That is often how people in suicidal crisis are treated. They are told to "be strong" or "pray about it" and come back when they feel better. But people deep in that hole often curl inward and cannot climb out alone.

Professionals bring expertise. People who have survived suicidal crises bring something different: the map from inside the hole, and living proof that the way out exists. Suicide prevention needs both.

What the research says about peer support

  • A systematic scoping review found that lived-experience peer support in suicide prevention can support coping, empowerment, hope and finding meaning again, but only a few programmes have been properly evaluated (Schlichthorst et al., 2020).
  • Earlier reviews show positive effects of peer support for people with mental health problems and for those bereaved by suicide.
  • Experts agree peer support works best as a bridge to professional services, not a replacement for them.

How to "jump in" safely for someone you love

  1. Show up. Visit, call, sit with them. Presence matters more than perfect words.
  2. Ask directly. "Are you thinking about ending your life?" Asking does not plant the idea.
  3. Listen without judging. Avoid "You have so much to live for" or "Think of your family." Say, "Thank you for telling me. I'm here."
  4. Share hope, not pressure. If you have been through something similar, share what helped, briefly, then return the focus to them.
  5. Help make a safety plan. Warning signs, coping steps, people to call, helplines (see The Moment You Realise You're Not Okay).
  6. Connect them to care. Call 0800 678 678 together, or go with them to a hospital or health centre.
  7. Look after yourself too. Supporting someone is heavy. Talk to someone about how you feel.

When to act immediately

If someone tells you they have a plan, has started preparing, or you believe they are in danger now, do not leave them alone. Call 112 or take them to the nearest emergency department.

Sharing your own story safely

If you want to use your own experience to help others:

  • Focus on recovery, hope and what helped, not on details of the worst moments.
  • Never describe methods or means.
  • Always include where people can get help.
  • Look after your own wellbeing. Telling your story can bring up strong emotions, so have a counsellor or trusted person available afterwards.

Frequently asked questions

What is lived experience in suicide prevention? It refers to people who have had suicidal thoughts, survived an attempt, or lost someone to suicide, and who use that knowledge to help others.

Is peer support effective? Early evidence is promising for hope and recovery, and more research is under way. It works best alongside professional care.

How can I help a friend who is suicidal? Ask directly, listen without judgement, stay with them if they are in danger, and connect them to 0800 678 678 or 112.

Can I share my story on social media? Yes, if you feel ready. Focus on hope, avoid any details of methods, and include helpline numbers.

Sources: Schlichthorst et al., Lived experience peer support programs for suicide prevention (2020)